Beauty and the Geek
by TheJauntyJabberwock
Summary: I suck at titles and summaries. Bri thinks she has finally met someone she might be able to build something with. She thinks he's supporting her and pushing her towards growth. Will she see the truth before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** EDITED ON 05/10/2020

Usually I get tiny snippets of an idea of single scene and have to build out around that, but this for once is an entire story start to end that came to me all at the same time. Just need to put it to paper now. First person POV to experiment with.

* * *

"Excuse me," my first instinct when a voice interrupted my thoughts was to flinch and glance back at the figure towering over me as it reached for my shoulder. I nearly jumped out of my skin and immediate ripped my headphones off. His messy dark hair framed a gaunt face and beady blue eyes behind thick glasses. His clothes didn't quite fit right, hard to find ones that did when you're that tall, so I had heard.

"Sorry, I'll move out of your way." The apology rolled off my tongue as my hands quickly stacked up the range of books that had been spread out on the carpet in front of me. Should have known someone would come along and need to get to this sections before I could finish narrowing down which book I would go home with today. I'd made myself perhaps too comfortable on the ugly carpet floor, oblivious to the opinions of strangers.

"Oh, no, you misunderstand," I squinted up at him past my stack and he continued, "What I mean to say is, would you…Well," he paused, eyes flicked around, and I felt my pulse jump into my throat, who was he looking for? "Like to get coffee…I believe is the usual invitation." I stared up at him. Was this actually happening? I looked down the aisle for any spies. Back up at the face of a stranger. I was back on the bus after middle school, the smug face of a boy who's name I've now forgotten insisting he would grace me with going out. I hadn't even been able to turn him down before his friends were laughing in my face. I had known it wasn't real, even then. And it didn't matter. No one had ever given me compliments growing up. He had gotten off the bus with a bloody nose. His friends had ensured I got off with a lot more than just that. That had been years ago, and still my first reaction was to fight or to flee. And I usually pick fight instead.

"Is this a joke?" I spat, my eyes narrowed. I turned away from him to continue narrowing my selection. I didn't want to see his face.

"I don't appreciate it. Good day." I poured my focus into the five books in front of me. The size, the content, versus the prices and my budget. This one included some techniques I had yet to utilize. This one had delightfully detailed illustrations. But was a bit less substance in terms of the written portions for the price. I set one back on the shelf, and still felt him hovering behind me. The headphones around my neck offered the heavy speed metal that could drown him out if I let it. He spoke up again.

"I assure you, this is no joke." Stubborn, isn't he? Why doesn't he just walk away? My frustration bubbled out of me as a sigh. I glanced back up at him with a glare.

"Coffee?" I scanned behind him again, but still saw no one. Somewhere in the back of my head a voice told me this is the adult world. People don't bet each other to ask out the frumpy girl no one likes. Not out here. The jeers and insults had turned to compliments and comments about my body I never asked for as I grew into womanhood. But by the time anyone thought to tell me I was pretty, the belief to the contrary had already grown roots into my hearts and strangled it.

"I see the idea distresses you-" I interrupted him by holding up the book with the nice illustrations.

"If you get me this, I'll have coffee with you. It's not a date." He tilted his head at the offer. Examined me with an expression I couldn't read. And took the offered book with a slow steady reverence.

"Deal. My name is Matt."

"I'm Brianna."

* * *

The fierce buzz of the alarm jolted my eyes open, the dream faded away in seconds to a distant haze. My hands fumbled in the dark for my phone to shut it off and squint at the screen. It had been two months. Matt hadn't set me up for a laugh. Actually, he was a perfect gentleman. And incredibly intelligent. And patient. And a great listener, when I cared to talk. He also wasn't creeped out by my interests, and wasn't pushy about me taking my time. Just thinking about it made a smile sneak over my face, though I wouldn't admit that to him. This was new ground, and while the attention was nice, it was also…well. Unnerving in a way. I couldn't tell yet where the line between anxiety and excitement was drawn. My attention returned to the screen of my phone, checking my email alerts for anything from work, and my heart sank immediately.

"Why would they even bother?" I was asking my plentiful roommates, glancing up at the neatly organized cases lining the shelves of my loft apartment. The insects and arachnids never answered me. But I had developed a habit of speaking to them all the same. I threw off the weighted blankets and tossed the phone aside.

"Ten year anniversary, " I mocked, "come on back to that tiny town full of assholes!" One of the pillows had conveniently fallen to the floor and I took the opportunity to kick it across the landing my bed was on and watch it sail down below with a not so satisfying thump.

"Yeah. Right." My eyes scanned the cases again. The action didn't disturb them.

"Well, it doesn't matter. Spiders don't worry about the opinions of flies." I crossed to my arachnids and leaned down to admire my Cyriopagopus lividus, the blue popping with the tarantula's recent molt, "do they?" Already I felt better, swallowed down the anger and apprehension, and set about preparing for my day. I was meeting Matt after work this evening, which would more than make up for the annoying reminder of a past I had definitely left far behind me.

It only took me five minutes to wash my face and brush my teeth, another ten to throw on my simple and natural daily wear makeup and tie back my long brunette hair into a bun. As usual I had hung up my attire for work the night before, so that slipping into my a-line skirt and button up shirt would have been easy in a half asleep auto-pilot drive. Which I would have been in if not for the anger of that news. Anger, I've found, is a wonderful motivator towards progress. Stockings. Heels. Accessories. Sweater. By the end when I glanced in the mirror I could spare a smile. I looked like I belonged in the forties, and would have it no other way. I'd never been a big fan of my freckled face, my flat chest and lack of curves or my boring hair. But in college I had found styles that I could actually appreciate, put together a wardrobe I had genuine pride in. Skirts that lent me an illusion of a figure, aided still by high waisted belts, simple elegant necklaces to accent but not draw too much attention. I gave a twirl and considered my natural makeup look. Perhaps...I could bring a more fun shade of lipstick for after work? I considered it, I had a darker red that was bold without being ostentatious, but in the end I cowered away from the idea and set down the stairs to grab my packed lunch and work bag.

"Be good, darlings, I'll see you all tonight!" out the door I went, keys in hand.

* * *

"Hey, sorry I'm late!" My heart was racing as I found the table he had grabbed and set my back down. If I had let myself pause at the door, it would give my mind time to imagine all the horrible things that could happen. It would give me time to dwell on the thought of the inevitable day when I would show up, like an idiot, as promised, and he wouldn't. So instead of letting myself have time to think, I always wound up speed walking from the bus stop to the cafe. I usually sat down with flushed cheeks above a smile I hoped didn't look relieved.

"You often are." He chuckled and motioned to my cup, "I got you the usual."

"You know how work is. Thanks." I set down my laptop bag with a great exhale. It was easy to hide my actual concerns behind the stress of a high demand job. And for his part, he let me do it. I took my first sip and sighed into the cup. So much better. "Speaking of, how are your students?" He was, of all things, a high school chemistry teacher. I didn't have the heart to judge him for it, not when his eyes sparkled with so much pride every time he spoke about it.

"I think I'm finally making progress with the class clown." He informed and earned a bark of laughter.

"About time someone does. What got through to him finally?" Something behind his smirk under those steady eyes sent a shiver down my spine and caught my breath. A promise of something I don't have enough heart to hope for or act on. He leaned in conspiratorially,

"Now, it's hardly fair to ask for such detailed information, when you can't offer up the same." I faked offense to bury my racing pulse.

"Hey, one of us works in a confidential field! That's hardly a fair comparison, you know perfectly well I can't reveal any information about my clients." the counter earns a nod and he leans back. I don't want him to, but I don't stop him either. When his tone and stature return to the composed distance it's an ache that slows my breathing to match.

"And how are your roommates?" He returns the small talk easily enough, we hardly ever stray beyond it. Two months in but each time something substantial approaches, call me a coward if you want but I change the topic.

"Cecilia is as brilliant as ever. My Dermestid colony is about halfway through their current project and then I'll have a fresh deer skull for the mantle. I found a stray cat that got hit by a car and am prepping it for cleaning next. Already have a buyer when that skull is ready." He nods along with an appreciation that the table next to us don't share. I catch their uncomfortable glances out of the corner of my eyes and ignore them. They quickly decide to leave. I watched them go, and when his hand touched mine to pull my attention back it made me jump.

"You seem…a bit more nervous than usual." Oof. Obvious.

"Oh. I guess." I shrug it off. Take another sip.

"I hesitate to ask what's on your mind. Given how forthcoming you've been so far." I shake my head back,

"It's-"

"Nothing." He finishes. Leaves me glaring though he isn't intimidated.

"I could hit you, you know." I threaten, but he laughs.

"You won't." He challenges with a broad smile. I consider it, but he's right in the end. I consider more. Where is this going? What does he want? So far, it really seems like just my company. Which makes no sense at all. Part of me is still waiting for that punchline. Trying to spot it before it hits. And part of me wonders, what if there is no other shoe to drop? Should I open up? How much damage would it do? How much longer can I keep to the small talk before it makes him get bored? How much longer before he gives up, and stops meeting up with me at all? I have to give something. It's a risk, but without it the only outcome I can see is a return to my solitude. It's not that I mind being alone, or for my focus to remain on my collection and work, I've been perfectly fine that way all this time. It's not like I need someone else around. But for some reason I visualize sitting here alone. And it leaves a bitterness in my veins. So I speak up.

"I got an invite to my high school ten year anniversary." I blurt out at last, staring down into my cup stubbornly.

"Ah. And from what I've gathered so far, those weren't enjoyable years." I scoff.

"That's an understatement, yeah. I'm not going."

"You should." He counters, the way he always states anything. With that quiet confidence I envy. Everything is just a fact to him. There's no question, no hesitation, things just are.

"I'd rather not-"

"Show off how far you've come?" I stare at him, but he continues, "You're a successful paralegal. You have an intellectual hobby that doubles as a side business. You're beautiful-" I choke at that, but he holds fast, "and modest about it. You should go, if nothing else just to prove to everyone stuck in that small town who doubted you that you made it."

He can make all the points in the world. But just the thought of going back there makes my blood run cold. I can't breath. I buried it in anger when I first saw that email, but now with the thought of actually attending I can't breath. Can't think past the hole growing in my chest. He preaches my success and I can't see any of it beyond the fog in my head. My hands are already shaking when I turn to reach for my bag, dig out my inhaler, but before I can bring it to my lips his hand is wrapped around mine.

"I could go with you." He offers, blue eyes steady. I don't have words for the stab that sends through me. My lungs struggle to breath even though my trembling hands steady in his. I pull free to use the inhaler. To wait for it to work. To fight down the emotions enough to think.

"That's…a nice offer. But I'd hate to inconvenience-"

"It's no inconvenience at all. Every time the topic comes up, you change it. But it's obvious there's a block from your past still. And I am a firm believer in facing what you're afraid of. This can be a wonderful opportunity for you. And if you're too afraid to go by yourself, I'll go with you." I don't know what to say. My instinct is to run. To hold fast. To say no. I never want to go back there.

"You don't know what you're offering." I counter.

"Oh but I do." He sounds so sure. The way lawyers sound in front of a judge. Everyone asks me why I settle for paralegal work. Why I didn't even try to go for a full law degree. Honestly, it was a miracle to get where I have. Even that was a struggle. As much of a struggle as holding my own and staying firm in my choice right now. I want to run. I want to drop it. I want to stand my ground. Instead he places his hand over mine on the table. And I can't even bring myself to look him in the face when I agree.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** edite 05/10/2020

* * *

This is stupid. Why am I back here? I think it as the car rolls across the gravel, as I park in the spot furthest from the main building of the high school. The old bricks look worn and dirty. The building seems smaller than I remember it, and if not for the twisting branches of the same old tree out front and statue of the stallion rearing upright I may not have known it at all. I expected to be flooded with old emotions, thrust back into the mind-set of the teenage girl who had wanted nothing more than to flee this place. Instead, I stare at the building and feel…hollow. Matt shifts in the seat next to me, but the movement doesn't bring me back down into reality. It didn't help that I had donned the traditional little black dress and strapped on heels. Nothing flashy or showy in my opinion, the A-line flair reached my knees in the front and calves in the back, long lace sleeves boasting modesty without sacrificing comfort to the heat. My long brunette hair was left alone to hang loose, and the boldest thing about my makeup was lipstick that could still pass at work.

"So this is it then?" His question didn't need to be asked. Might have just been looking to break the silence.

"Yeah."

"Care to provide a tour?" His smile does nothing to sooth the prickle that covers my arms, even though it's high seventies outside with a humid heat that hangs heavy. I tried to warn Matt, but he still has a coat with him. Somehow the heat doesn't bother him in it. I think maybe it's not too late to drive away. Go somewhere else. Anywhere else. I contemplate what I could possibly bribe him with to go along with the idea. But his seat belt is already off and he's stepping out of the car. With a heavy sigh I follow suit.

"May as well, I guess." And make no effort to sound happy about it. I don't know why I'm even going along with this. I guess part of me does like the idea of rubbing my success in the faces of my old classmates. And I don't mind so much that Matt wants to be here. It's a sweet offer, and as much as I grumble about it I actually appreciate it too much to turn him down. We're not even officially a thing. We meet up for coffee with enough frequency to be friends. He keeps a comfortable distance afforded to the position and never tries to push for anything more. And me? I'm too much of a coward to do anything but let him anyways. Or even ask. There's a group on the sidewalk ahead, no one I recognize from here. I step closer to him as we approach, and one of the guys lights up on seeing us.

"Is that Bri?" He breaks from the group and I worry he's coming to hug me, but he just stops short, "Holy hell! You look great! Haven't seen you since graduation, how have you been?" He's all excitement and I can't for the life of me place his face or a name.

"Uh…great!" I force a smile and try not to give away how little I remember someone so excited to see me.

"Oh hey, don't recognize you! Are you Bri's-"

"Friend, yes. Matt." He extends a hand to shake.

"I'm Rich, Richard! Me and Bri used to scrap back in the day!" He laughed, and the memories all came flooding back.

"Wait, that Rich?" I look over the neatly cut black hair and slimmed down physique. In it's place I picture long hardly washed hair framing a chubbier face and dripping down to blend in with an over-sized black band tee. The Rich I knew had been fast, tough, but big enough to get picked on by everyone outside our group. He'd slimmed down a lot in his adult years.

"Ha ha, she remembers me after all!"

"Okay, whoah, no need to call me out like that! Ouch! I could still probably take you." I square off my stance, he does the same, only to break it with a laugh.

"Yeah, you probably could, I'm out of practice! And besides, I'm on that healthy keto kick!" He blew out the air in his chest with another hearty laugh.

"You seen the rest of the group yet?"

"I haven't kept up with anyone." I admit.

"Well, Amanda probably won't be here. You know she became a cheerleader in college?"

"What? No way!"

"Oh yeah. And Jill's got kids. Dan'll be here though."

I nod along as he fills me in. Memories of laughter, sparing behind the school at lunch for fun, harsh jokes and biting retorts. Insults slung with an affectionate ease that no one took personally.

"Hey, lets head to the old meetup spot! I bet the others will meet us there." I shrug my shoulders and nod an affirmation. He turns to lead the way and waves bye to the group he'd been standing with as we pass them to head into the main building.

"Front office," I point out the door frame to Matt, "I guess we should stop and pick up our badges…or what ever. Meet you at the grove." I wave off Rich and head over towards the table for sign in. Get handed a name tag. Me plus one. Name tags filled out and slapped on.

"Wow Bri, you're in a dress! I didn't recognize you at first!" The bubbly redhead behind the table was all smiles, snapping a pick of me before I could say no.

"Oh my gosh, the girls are going to looooove this!" She prattled on before I could bite out an insult, "You look better than Meg! She is going to hate that!" A flash of tall, beautiful Meg played in my head. The girl with the modeling contract lined up by the time she was sixteen, walking runways and flying out to exotic places like Texas and California and New York. Morbid curiosity settled in, so I asked.

"Meg the model?" Which made Matt raise a brow in interest.

"Oh yeah. But you haven't heard? Oh girl, you gotta keep up on facebook! Meg had a big old health scar, and lets just say it's taken a toll. The poor dear." She shook her head in pity, and I pretended not to think Meg deserved it. An instant thought that clutched at my heart before I could place why. Instead I mumbled a thanks and moved away as another pair came up to sign in and were greeted with the same infectious enthusiasm.

The school was designed with classrooms lining both sides of a rectangular opening of grass, trees, and large rocks along with a few picnic tables and benches. Two floors for the primary building. A few people were already mingling, some were showing off their guests, but the area was mostly empty.

"If they haven't change it up, lets see…" we stepped into the path and I spun to try to recall my bearings, "Biology was….up there. Science wing. Second floor. Right next to history wing. Math classes were….down in this corner. Art classes were along that wall. English was down here along with some elective stuff. Languages were…kind of all over the place." We crossed the stone pathway to the opposite side of the building. There was a large hallways that crossed our path, taking us either way down and on each side ended in double doors.

"If you go that way, it'll take you out to the gym's building, which is separate. Track and field runs behind it. Next to that on this side," my fingers pointed out along the wall in of rooms in front of us, "There's a bunch of those uh…like mobile homes? But smaller? Classrooms? Anyways folks had home economics and stuff over there. I don't know what else I never had a class in them. And that leads around to the performing arts building. Theater, band, choir, all that jazz." Which brought a full circle to the double doors down on our right. I turned to head down the hallway and Matt followed along with a comfortable gait that managed somehow not to outpace me.

"You probably thought the Grove was back behind us. Nope. That's the main courtyard. There's a forest and a railroad out by the track and field. There's the cafeteria here," the doors were unlocked, though the tables were all folded up against the back wall not in use. I lead to a side door that brought us out to a small section of grass and tables. Three trees with great winding branches fit in the space, one of which had been trimmed back. I followed the branches up to where there was an abrupt cut off.

"We used to climb this tree up to the rooftops…"

"Looks like they finally got wise and put a stop to our dangerous antics!" Rich was up in said tree, waved and smiled down at us. Behind the tree was someone who didn't look at all different since high school.

"Now you, I recognize! You still working at that video rental place, Dan? Still living with mom?"

"Ouch, but you didn't recognize me? I get it, my charming good looks took you off guard. I understand, no one saw it coming!" Dan and I both rolled our eyes at Rich, the familiar sass hitting home under his long dirty blond hair.

"You dressed up." He commented with the lazy ease of his stoner days.

"Yeah, some of us joined the adult world." I teased but he just smiled.

"I work in tech support now, videos are dead man." He corrected, "And I'll have you know my mother is a saint. Your adult world had you lose all contact, didn't expect to see you here."

"Yeah, well, you know how life can be." I shrugged it off, he mirrored the sentiment.

"Better than nothing, don't think the other girls are going to make it at all." He surrendered.

This was too weird. The memories were coming back, but they weren't the nightmares that had been plaguing me when I looked around the area. I recalled impatiently waiting for the others to get there in the mornings. Chasing off intruders to our sanctuary with insults and empty threats. Sparing with each other for fun while Jill played the roll of look out in case any grown ups came by. Racing each other after school to the local convenience store. Dan always won, but it didn't stop us from trying.

"Not quite how you remember it?" Matt's voice in my ear pulled me from the reverie.

"No, nothing like I remembered it." I admitted. So why did I still feel so unsettled? Why had I been so reluctant to even think of returning here?

"The main events is in the gym. I swear it's like prom all over again." Rich's words ran a shiver up my spine.

"I just hope they don't play the same music as back then." Dan sighed.

"They probably will. Nostalgia or something." I grumbled and crossed my arms, not looking forward to that either.

"You work in tech, you said?" Matt turned to Dan with an ease that had nothing to do with recreational drug use.

"Yeah, but before you ask, I don't know nothing about sound systems."

"Well, that is a pity. Shall we stay here a bit longer or finish with the tour?" He turned to me.

"Oh, uh…I guess we can finish up. I'll see you losers later."

"Ooooooh, look at the big city big shot! Too good for us now!" I turned my back and waved off Rich's remark.

"Get on my level!" The two took it in good humor, their laughter fading as the door closed.

A silence settled over us as I lead the way back towards the main courtyard. Past it down the hallway. Through the double doors outside. Every step made my legs feel heavier, confusion teasing at my brain with the echo of steps on empty metal lockers. What was missing? What was wrong? Something wasn't right. I shouldn't be here. But there was no solid reason to justify those feelings. So where were they coming from?

"Maybe this is a waste of time." My words cut through in some futile attempt to lessen the heavy atmosphere.

"It is never a waste of time to confront that which you are afraid of." I scoff.

"That's your secret, hu? Why you're so…the opposite of me." It sounds more bitter than I like. I look away as I catch him turning to me, as we reach the side entrance to the gym.

"Sorry," I blurt out, "I mean it as a compliment."

"I know," he answers, "and you'll get there."

"Yeah. Well…" I look up and into the dark hallway inside through the glass of the single side door. I recognize the door to the weight room. Further down to the locker rooms. And it hits me. Why I didn't want to come back here. Why I'd blocked it out and moved on. It's still hazy enough not to be tangible, but it's there. Laughing faces on the other side of the window. I can hear it ringing in my head, and the sudden appearance of makeup perfect faces looking out at me makes me stumble back several steps. His hand at my back stops me from toppling over. When I look back at the glass, there's no one on the other side. It was just in my head.

"What is it? And don't tell me nothing."

"What the hell?" I breath instead, pissed at my own limbs for shaking. I want to tell him exactly nothing. He won't have it.

"I…" take a deep breath, "don't want to be here." I turn, but his arm wraps around to keep me from moving or running.

"What did I just tell you about facing this?"

"Let go of me." I hiss, hands balled at my sides in anticipation for lashing out, even though I don't actually want to fight him. Instead I cat a warning glare with enough heat to singe, I expect him to ask "or what," or hold tight. Instead I see disappointment written over his features. It strikes harder than anything that could have justified my impotent fury. He lets go, but his expression alone cools the fire and roots me to the spot. I want the excuse to fight. But he won't give it to me.

"Run away then. That's what you always do, isn't it? What you've been doing all this time?" I don't move. I still want to. But I stay put. His hand moves to my back again, between my shoulder blades, and guides me back in front of the window. I look up, and feel that familiar comfort of hollow disregard settle down over me. An emptiness so much more comfortable than the constant apprehension or the righteous fury I cover it with. He whispers in my ear,

"I'm right here. Tell me." I only see his reflection in the dark window. The ghosts don't return, but I'm still shaking.

"I…I always beat them. What ever they threw at me. I could take it. Throw it back. I hit harder. Dove deeper. So when they couldn't beat me…they locked me in a room with four guys who could." The rage came bubbling back up, "And the rumors that spread…Well. You know how small towns can be."

"I do, actually." That pulls me back to him. Grounds me somehow. My reflection betrayed the first tears before I could feel them and I pulled away, to wipe them as quickly as I could. To hide.

"Yeah, well, what ever. Like you said. Lets go rub my success in their faces." Should I have been embarrassed by the vindictive spite in my throat? Maybe. But the gleeful chuckle out of him said I didn't have to be. Something told me he did know. I didn't need the details. It was just…a feeling. He'd been here. Stood where I was standing.

"You're no longer nervous?" I turn back towards him as skeletal fingers trace the pulse at my neck. Speed it up even further.

"Of course I'm still nervous."

"But…?" I don't move his hand. I don't shove him away.

"But, I won't let that stop me." For the first time when he smiles at me, it has a hint of pride behind it. He leans closer by a breath. Instinct tells me to meet him there, before sharp laughter pulls my attention back. A group exits the main building heading our way and I step back fast as if we're a pair of teens getting caught by the teachers. The kinds of pairs I only ever saw from a distance and wished would knock off the PDA between classes in the halls.

"Well. May as well get this over with…" I start for the gym proper's entrance, only for him to tug me back. I let him without retaliation or snark.

"You almost forgot this in the car. You might want it." He places the inhaler in my hand, and we make our way inside together.


End file.
